Playing Nice Read online

“There’s a pattern of behavior here that we don’t seem to be able to change. And the safety of all our learners has to be our number one priority.”

  “He’s two, for Christ’s sake. Two-year-olds do this.”

  “Please, moderate your language. Getting angry won’t help anyone.”

  “I’m not getting angry. Or rather, my anger is justified and appropriate. And before you say that me getting angry might be why Theo is violent, I don’t ever lose my temper with him.” A thought occurred to me. “No doubt this other parent was angry that her child got hit. I bet you didn’t tell her it wouldn’t help anyone.”

  Susy blinked. “In the circumstances, we’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that Theo needs more structured support than we can offer him at Acol Road.”

  “You’re expelling him. He’s two, and you’re expelling him?”

  “We think it would be in Theo’s best interests—”

  “I’ll speak to the other parent. We could put in some supervised playdates, get the two of them to make friends—”

  “I did suggest something along those lines. Mrs. Tigman didn’t think that would be an effective solution.”

  “Hang on. So it was Zack Tigman? The little boy who cries all the time? You don’t think maybe there are bigger issues going on there than whether Theo can share toys?”

  “Zack has taken a while to settle at nursery,” Susy allowed. “Which is why it’s even more important that he doesn’t get beaten up while he’s here.”

  “Beaten up?” I scoffed. “We’re talking about one two-year-old whacking another with a cup. And why was a tumbler full of liquid at hand in the first place, without proper supervision? That’s a health and safety violation for a start.”

  “We don’t have the resources to make hitting impossible,” Susy said patiently. “And yes, it is normal two-year-old behavior—to a certain extent. But if the child doesn’t grow out of it, we simply have no choice but to withdraw the offer of a place.” She stood up. “I’m sorry things haven’t worked out here for Theo. But I really think that, in the long run, this is the best thing for all concerned. We’ll refund your fees for the whole of this week.”

  35

  Case no. 12675/PU78B65, Exhibit 19A, texts between Peter Riley and Madelyn Wilson.

  Bloody nursery have expelled Theo for hitting Zack Tigman!!!

  WHAT!!!!

  Plus given me pompous lecture re him needing “more structured support.” TOSSERS.

  OMG. What are we going to do?

  God knows. I’ll do some research.

  Want to talk it through? I can step out.

  Better not. Still don’t trust myself not to rant, and Theo’s here. Haven’t told him yet he won’t be going in tmrw…ARRGH. He loves it there. Let’s talk later XX

  Case no. 12675/PU78B65, Exhibit 19B, retrieved from DadStuff.net.

  CHILDMINDING A TWO-YEAR-OLD—WHAT DO THE OPTIONS COST?

  Homedad85—Level 5 poster. Member since 2018.

  My DS has just been excluded from nursery for hitting another child. I’m bloody angry actually as I don’t think they’ve handled it at all well. But at the end of the day, it’s their decision.

  My question is, what now? Money’s pretty tight so we need to look at the cheapest option. Au pair? Nanny share? Childminder? He probably does need a bit more supervision than some other kids his age.

  Graham775

  In your shoes I would speak to your local nanny/childcare agencies to discuss what you need, and how much you could expect it to cost in your area.

  Onefineday

  “We need to look at the cheapest option.”

  This is a child you’re talking about, not flat-pack furniture.

  ManUman151

  “This is a child you’re talking about, not flat-pack furniture.”

  OP is simply asking for some indicative figures to help him reach a decision, Onefineday. :rolleyes:

  Zombieparent

  Wasn’t there a thread recently about au pairs and how legally they can’t be given responsibility for under-fives?

  Onefineday

  Au pairs are NOT qualified childminders. They are young foreigners who get free board and lodging in return for LIGHT domestic duties and OCCASIONAL babysitting.

  If your local nursery was run by a group of Romanian teenagers without qualifications or background checks, no first-aid training, no insurance, no experience, no inspection report, and very limited English, would you send your child there?

  Tanktop

  We pay our nanny £14 ph in southwest London, if that helps. She’s self-employed so that includes tax, NI, etc.

  Onefineday

  “She’s self-employed so that includes tax, NI, etc.”

  Nannies can’t be self-employed. She’s lying to you—probably because she doesn’t have the right paperwork.

  Lewishamdad

  Registered childminder = £7 ph

  Nursery = £8.50 ph

  Nanny = £13–£18 ph

  Mother’s help aged 18–20 = £5.90 (special minimum wage for this age group)

  Wouldn’t recommend a mother’s help though. Ironically the one we had wasn’t much help.

  Onefineday

  “Ironically the one we had wasn’t much help.”

  Perhaps you gave her an easy ride because she was a young girl.

  Silverback71

  Sounds like your best option is a nanny share. A qualified nanny will understand the relevant child development issues, there’ll be at least one other child to interact with, and the cost will be comparable to a nursery.

  Lewishamdad

  “Perhaps you gave her an easy ride because she was a young girl.”

  I’m not even going to respond to that, Onefineday.

  Onefineday

  And yet you did.

  Whosthedaddy

  Fight, fight, fight…

  Onefineday

  Handbags at dawn.

  Homedad85

  Thanks to everyone who’s answered. Having considered, I reckon our best bet is another nursery. I think I have to come clean though and tell them about the hitting—it may put some off, but at least if they take him it’s because they’re confident they can deal with it.

  36

  PETE

  I SOON DISCOVERED, THOUGH, honesty wasn’t the best policy.

  There was another nursery nearby, but when I explained that Theo had been a little rough with another child, they point-blank refused to take him, citing “staff shortages.” Strangely, they hadn’t mentioned any staff shortages when they were telling me about the fees.

  I phoned the only other nursery within walking distance. They had a three-month waiting list. I put Theo on it, just in case.

  “It’s not even that I mind being with him all day,” I told Maddie that evening after a fruitless afternoon of googling and phoning. “It’s just clearly not the right thing for him to be isolated from other kids right now. It’s them he needs to learn to play with, not me.”

  She topped up her wine. “There’s bound to be a place somewhere.”

  The doorbell rang. Maddie didn’t stir, so I went to answer it before whoever it was rang again. At that time of night, it was probably Deliveroo with a takeaway for next door, which was annoying because Theo had only just gone down and the bell was almost certain to wake him.

  It was Miles.

  “Surprise,” he said. “Hope that’s all right. I was passing, so I thought I’d drop by and see my two favorite boys. And girl, of course. Hi, Maddie.” As he stepped inside he raised the Hamleys bag he was holding. “This is only for one of you, though.”

  I took it. Inside was an electronic fire station—I could tell from the box it was going to be all flashing lights, whirring machines, and beeping buttons. Theo would love it, but in a small house like ours it would d
rive me crazy. “Thanks, Miles. Theo’s gone down for the night, actually.”

  “Already?” Miles looked crestfallen. “I was hoping to give it to him myself. It’s only just gone seven.”

  “He didn’t have a nap today.” I kept my voice low so it wouldn’t float up the stairs. “And it’s been a long day for all of us.”

  “Theo’s been kicked out of nursery, and Pete’s been scouring north London for a new one,” Maddie explained.

  “What!” Miles was outraged. “Kicked out? Why?”

  “He hit Zack over the head with a tumbler.”

  “He’s two, for Christ’s sake!”

  “Exactly what I said.” There was a long, drawn-out yell from the baby monitor. Miles’s outrage had woken Theo.

  “What do you think? Shall we bring him down?” Maddie asked me.

  I shook my head. Theo and I had a whole bedtime routine worked out—showing Mummy what we’d made today, bath, milky drink, quiet time, story. Breaking it would mean starting again. Plus he’d only learn that he could get up whenever he liked, if he yelled loud enough.

  “Special occasion, though,” Miles said winningly. “You could show him his present.” He caught the look on my face. “Or maybe not. Best leave them to cry. Your parenting style and all that.”

  “Actually, we don’t just leave him,” I began, but then Miles snapped his fingers.

  “I’m being dim. Theo doesn’t need a nursery. You can share our nanny.”

  Maddie and I exchanged glances. “Are you sure?” Maddie asked.

  Miles nodded. “Of course. It’s the perfect solution. Theo and David will get to spend time together, and it’ll be good for David to be around another kid—it might even help him catch up a bit.”

  “We should talk about the cost,” I began, but Miles waved the objection away.

  “Forget it. We’ll settle up when the compensation comes through. It’ll be a pleasure to have Theo at ours.”

  “And we’d need to work out a few ground rules.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well…How much time the nanny spends in each house, for example.”

  “Really?” Miles looked around, clearly puzzled. “I mean, you want to work, don’t you? You couldn’t really share this room with a nanny and a couple of two-year-olds and expect to get any writing done. But listen, anything you want to change about the setup, just say. That’s how this whole thing works, isn’t it? Like you said in your article—the original one, I mean. Dialogue and compromise.”

  “It does sound like a pretty good solution to me,” Maddie said. Which was slightly disloyal of her, because she must have realized that, for reasons I couldn’t altogether articulate, I was feeling slightly uneasy about this proposal and was trying to think of ways to get out of it, or at least not to commit to it before I’d thought it through.

  “And you’ll get to see more of David,” Miles added. He looked from one to the other of us. “That is what you want, isn’t it?”

  “Of course,” I said, surprised.

  “It’s just that…” Miles gestured at his feet. “Here I am. Making an effort to see my birth son. Whereas I can’t help noticing that you…” His voice trailed off.

  “It isn’t like that!” Maddie exclaimed, just as I protested, “Of course we want to see David.”

  There was a silence, broken only by a renewed shout from the baby monitor. “I suppose we were waiting for another invitation,” I added.

  “Well, don’t,” Miles said. “Just turn up. Mi casa es su casa. Anyway, you’ll be able to see him when you drop Theo off now, won’t you? I’ll tell Lucy to expect you tomorrow.”

  37

  PETE

  “YOU NEVER HAD THAT conversation, did you?” Maddie whispered.

  We were in bed. In the next room Theo was still grizzling, despite the fact he was now exhausted and we’d repeated the whole bedtime routine from milky drink onward. Or rather, I had. Maddie had opened another bottle of red wine and talked to Miles downstairs, while I was upstairs trying to make Hairy Maclary from Donaldson’s Dairy sound as boring and soporific as possible. When Miles finally left—which took me pointedly putting the empty bottle next to the recycling bin, where it joined the two Maddie had already polished off that week, and saying firmly, “I’m going to bed. Theo’ll be awake again by six, and it’s been a long day”—we were too tired to do anything except hit the sack.

  “Which conversation?” I whispered back.

  “The one about boundaries.”

  “Yes I did. At the church. I said this could only work if we respected each other’s parenting styles. And he completely agreed.”

  “I’m not sure Miles is sensitive enough to realize that means please don’t turn up on our doorstep anytime you feel like it.”

  “You were the one who opened more wine.”

  “I couldn’t really stand there with a glass in my hand and not offer him one.”

  “Maddie…” I said.

  “Oh God. Serious voice. What have I done now?”

  “You’re drinking quite a lot.”

  “I know. It relaxes me.” Her voice had tightened.

  “It’s not because you’re…unhappy?”

  “Jesus. No. It’s because I have a high-stress job and wine helps me switch off.”

  “Okay. But you will tell me—”

  “Don’t lecture me, Daddy Pete. Not now. Cuddle me. We haven’t made love for ages.”

  That’s because you never want to, I almost said. Not unless you’re drunk. But of course I didn’t say that, because it would be a passion killer, and one of the consequences of not making love for ages is that you take it when it’s offered. Even though you know it’s only being offered to shut you up, there’s a grizzling child next door, and you prefer it when both of you are sober.

  I started to kiss her neck, which she likes, then pushed her T-shirt up and moved down her shoulder toward her breasts.

  “At least Theo likes Michaela,” Maddie added. “I think it’ll be fine.”

  I rubbed her nipple gently with my nose.

  “And if it doesn’t work out, you’ve got him on the waiting list for that other nursery. So that’ll be good.” She yawned. “I think I’ll go to sleep, actually. Do you mind? I’m not quite in the zone.”

  38

  PETE

  NEXT MORNING I PUT Theo into the car and drove over to Highgate. It was a fiddly, crosstown journey, complicated by having to get through at least half a dozen school drop-off zones. A drive that had taken less than twenty minutes on a Saturday took almost forty in rush hour.

  Lucy came to the door in an elegant pair of designer jeans and a knee-length woolen cardigan. “Pete,” she said warmly. “How lovely to see you. And hello there, Theo.”

  “ ’SMoles here?” Theo asked hopefully.

  She laughed. “No, he’s at work. That’s what daddies do.” She stopped. “Sorry, Pete. I didn’t mean…”

  “That’s all right. Are you really sure this is okay? I don’t want to impose on you.”

  “No, it’s wonderful. Tania’s been baking fat-free cakes for them both. Come in and say hello.”

  “Tania?” I said, puzzled, as I followed her through to the kitchen.

  “The nanny. Tania, this is Theo, and Theo’s dad, Pete.”

  A dark-haired young woman turned toward us from the Aga. She was wearing oven gloves and carrying a baking tray, but she immediately put the tray down and took her hand out of the glove to shake mine. “Pleased to meet you,” she said politely, in French-accented English. She even gave me a little bob.

  I looked at Lucy. “I thought Michaela was the nanny.” In the car I’d been keeping Theo’s morale up by speculating about what crazy games he and Mika would be playing today.

  “We had to let her go. Miles was furi
ous with her, actually.”

  “Why? What did she do?”

  “He doesn’t like the nannies being glued to their phone screens when they’re being paid to look after David. And he doesn’t let them use the coffeemaker whenever they feel like it—they have Nescafé and the internet in their bedroom, for when they’re not working. Anyway, last week he saw Michaela on the nannycam, drinking a cappuccino and scrolling through social media. So of course she had to go.”

  “You have a nannycam?”

  Lucy nodded. “You have to, really, don’t you? It’s not that you even need to look at it very often. Miles says it’s just about making sure you can trust them to stick to the rules.”

  I looked around. I could see a cappuccino maker—a more expensive model than mine—but no camera. Miles must have hidden it, I realized.

  “Right, Theo. Better be on your best behavior,” I said brightly. “Somebody might be watching you, so think about that.”

  Slightly self-consciously, I went into the playroom and squatted down next to where David was sitting on the floor. “Hi, David.”

  His eyes turned toward me curiously. Maddie’s eyes, the exact same shape and shade, but without Maddie’s energy, her ever-changing, expressive liveliness. He looked away again.

  “What are you up to?” I asked gently. Again, nothing.

  “I’ve brought Theo to play with you.” I wasn’t sure if he recognized Theo’s name, or whether it was because Theo just happened to charge in at that moment, but it seemed to me that David shrank back slightly. I patted him on the head. His blond hair was so fine, I could feel the shape of his skull. It was eerily similar to Maddie’s, and so different from Theo’s heavy black curls.

  “Well, I’ll see you at twelve thirty,” I said to Theo as I got up. “Remember to play nicely.”

  “There’s really no rush,” Lucy said. “By the time you’ve gotten home, you’ll be setting off again. Why doesn’t Theo stay for lunch? Then he can rest in the car on the way back.”